Daily #69: Inferiority

Let me just start with: nice. (Sorry, I had to.)

I’ll be writing this one quite quickly, as I’m running out of time in the day and have more to do. Today, I had a conversation with my partner about where we are, and how I occasionally get feelings of inferiority compared to him.

This isn’t anything that he’s doing or saying to make me feel this way. I recognise that it’s due to how my own brain works that it’s getting to me. My partner earns a lot more money than I do (think more than double). It’s not that I’m not pulling my weight – in fact, I do quite well – but his industry is high-paying and he’s a very hard-working person.

Regardless of the circumstances, there is a disparity in our pay, and it will get to me occasionally. I feel like I don’t bring enough to the relationship – I don’t particularly do more housework than he does, for example. Logically, I know this makes sense – we work the same hours, he just gets paid more for his time.

Previously, I might have had more of a point – I used to work slightly fewer hours than he did, but still wouldn’t do more housework when I got home before him. Nor did I pursue things outside of work – I would do pretty much nothing constructive with my evenings and weekends. Now, however, I spend my free time far more constructively – I add to this blog, I’m proofing my friend’s novel, and I’m working on my own novel. All of these things actively contribute to my career and goals, and I enjoy them as hobbies. Compared to the ‘dead’ time I previously spent consuming entertainment all evening, I’m feeling far more empowered.

All of that positive stuff was echoed by my partner. Fortunately, he assured me that I bring plenty to the relationship, and that I’m not defined by how much I earn in comparison to him. I knew this in my head, but being told it by someone else helped me to believe it.

In other news, I had a good day at work today! I use an organisation software to monitor each of my tasks, and I managed to clear my priority list! While I’ve been enjoying my job, weekly commitments such as the blog posts I need to create for them can catch up with me quickly. Since the blog took a break over Christmas, I’ve been able to get ahead of schedule – rather than writing the post in the middle of the week to post at the end, I’m currently writing the post that’ll be going out in a week’s time! It’s amazing how much my stress level is reduced by working ahead like this.

I’ve taken longer than I expected to write this, but I’m going to proof some more chapters of my friend’s novel. The quicker I get it out of the way, the quicker I can free up time to work on my own stuff. I also have a short story I want to finish, so I might work on that, too.

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